Quick 1-hour Cinnamon Rolls

So.. This blog was not originally intended to talk about homemade food products, but I had a hankering for cinnamon rolls and as anyone who knows me knows, I live by my cravings. They really drive me. Its strange to feel pregnant all the time, having some imaginary fetus send you images of the items it wants to eat, beating those images into your mind until you consume them. This is probably the most literal meaning of the term 'food baby'.

At any rate, a few days ago, it was 10am and I had a craving for cinnamon rolls. I don't know why because I am not typically a fan. Why eat a loaf of bread with cinnamon on it when you can deep fry that bread with a wedge of cheese inside? Seriously, deep fried cheese is the best.. But that's another post.  Its 8:50am and I could so eat deep fried cheese right now....Curse you, food baby!

So, I start looking up recipes and to my dismay they're all laborious processes. By laborious, I think you should know that I'm not afraid of a little hard work, or even a lot. Pitching hay bails, painting houses, these things are not work to me. They are a means to an end...in my case, the end is usually making money. So I am driven to do it and actually love feeling sore after a long days' hard work. You can't take the country out of the girl I guess.

Anyway, the laborious part about cinnamon rolls is the waiting. Ask ANYONE I know.. Waiting is not something I do often. I'm perhaps the most impatient person on the planet. As I write this, I am planning the day when I have enough followers and commenters on this blog to make ad money. I am also planning the day I can turn it into something with its own domain name. Really, I am.

Most cinnamon roll recipes involve a painful overnight sit in a bowl with a damp towel so the yeast can do its magic. When I have a craving, there's no time to sit around and wait for some subservient bacteria to casually take its time enjoying the lovely glucose I have provided it. No way, siree!

So...When I saw this recipe for 1-hour cinnamon rolls I said...Now there's something I can get behind! Thus...I began.

I put the ingredients together and I even waited the required 10 minutes for the yeast to do its thing before I rolled out the dough, put the cinnamon butter (let's face it, its really just spiced fat right? yeah.. the good stuff) all over the dough. I rolled up this log of heaven and began to cut the most perfectly even and glorious rounds you've ever seen. I was so proud of myself because the recipe boasts a 12 roll yield. I made 18! Take that, law-abiding bakers.

Then, my heart stopped. The world had ended. The apocalypse couldn't even begin because there was nothing to pillage - that's how destroyed my world was by the next part of the directions. "Place rolls in a pie plate so that the plate is filled and the rolls are touching. Place a damp towel over to cover and" ..... here comes the horrible. " WAIT...."        "25 minutes."

25 MINUTES?!!!! 

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND SPENDS 30 MINUTES MAKING THESE WONDERFUL SPIRALS OF SPICED FAT AND THEN WAITS FOR THEM?!!

Trust me, baking is one of the therapeutic things I do to unwind or feel productive when I'm too tired to write. BUT, you typically make the dough and by the time you're putting it into its baking container, YOU'RE BAKING IT!

I know what you're saying...Oh you baby. Its just 25 minutes. You can handle that. WELL, it isn't just 25 minutes...After that you still have to bake them for 20! Oh the humanity!

Needless to say, my craving wasn't allowing for this. So I said, screw it. Let's put them in now! The dough tastes great (yes, I love unbaked dough.. any flavor.) so even if they don't rise, they'll come out delicious right? WRONG.

See. They look perfect right? They even rose in the oven! Who needs to wait? Trust me. You do. 

Perfectly golden brown, cinnamon goodness. 

When you flip them, the spiced fat that leeched out in the cooking process is liquified and coats the whole bun. Looks mighty tasty!

They seem perfect right? The other shoe drops when you try to eat them and they are heavy, and while cooked - seem gooey.. I guess they're very gluten-y? I don't exactly know the chemistry behind waiting for breads to rise but let's just say they were awful.

Moral of the story is twofold: First, let your breads rise people! Second, when a recipe says 1 hour, it means 2.

That's all folks!
-A